GETTING MARRIED AT HOLY COMMUNION

Getting Married at Holy Communion   |   Marriage Enrichment   |   Family Enrichment   |   Reading Resources  Counseling Information   |   Divorce Recovery

Being members of the parish is not required for couples to be married here. To be married at Holy Communion, either bride or groom must be baptized, and the couple must complete an inventory called PREPARE and take part in a two-hour interpretation of that inventory that focuses on a couple’s strength and growth areas. The couple is required to attend one of our “Good Beginnings: Engaged Couples Workshop” events and must use the ceremony based on The Book of Common Prayer.

For more information contact Katherine Bush at 767-6987, ext. 31.

If you have never been married click here.

If one of you has been divorced, click here.

If you were married in a civil ceremony and wish to have your marriage blessed, click here.

GETTING MARRIED FOR THE FIRST TIME

The following general conditions apply for couples wishing to be married at Church of the Holy Communion:

DECLARATION OF INTENTION
In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

We, desiring to receive the blessing of Holy Matrimony in the Church,
do solemnly declare that we hold marriage to be a lifelong union of husband and wife
as it is set forth in the liturgical forms authorized by the Church.
We believe it is for the purpose of mutual fellowship, encouragement,
and understanding, for the procreation (if it may be) of children,
and their physical and spiritual nurture,
and for the safeguarding and benefit of society;
and we do engage ourselves, so far as in us lies,
to make our utmost effort to establish this relationship
and to seek God's help thereto.

For a more detailed description of the steps leading to Holy Matrimony please click here.

IF ONE OR BOTH OF YOU HAVE BEEN DIVORCED

The Episcopal Church and the Diocese of West Tennessee allows for persons who have been divorced to be married in the church. There are certain conditions which apply, however. In this parish, we require all couples who wish to marry to meet certain requirements which are listed below. Additionally, if one or both of the persons seeking marriage have been divorced, there is a process called a Godly Judgment which must also be completed. To learn more about those requirements, click here.

The following general conditions apply for couples wishing to be married at Church of the Holy Communion:

DECLARATION OF INTENTION
In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

We, desiring to receive the blessing of Holy Matrimony in the Church,
do solemnly declare that we hold marriage to be a lifelong union of husband and wife
as it is set forth in the liturgical forms authorized by the Church.
We believe it is for the purpose of mutual fellowship, encouragement,
and understanding, for the procreation (if it may be) of children,
and their physical and spiritual nurture,
and for the safeguarding and benefit of society;
and we do engage ourselves, so far as in us lies,
to make our utmost effort to establish this relationship
and to seek God's help thereto.

For a more detailed description of the steps leading to Holy Matrimony please click here.

PETITION FOR GODLY JUDGMENT
Title I, Canon 19

THE DIOCESE OF WEST TENNESSEE
GUIDELINES
(revised May 28, 2003)

1. In the consideration of request for favorable Godly Judgments, the Bishop depends primarily on the recommendation of the applicant's rector or priest-in-charge of the congregation. When the officiating clergy person is not the rector of the applicant, the rector's permission for the wedding to occur on his/her church property should be included in the request.

2. The reviewing of the petition by the Bishop will be done expeditiously. However, the Bishop asks that you allow up to thirty (30) days for his response as provided for in the Canons. No date for the proposed marriage should be established prior to the receipt of the Bishop's favorable judgment. At this point in the process, the couple is on the timetable of the Church rather than on their own.

3. All provisions of Title I, Canon 18 as well as Title I, Canon 19 shall apply in consideration of making a petition for a favorable Godly Judgment.

4. When consent has been given in another jurisdiction for a marriage that is to be held in The Diocese of West Tennessee, the judgment of that jurisdiction will be accepted, but a letter requesting the written consent of the Bishop of West Tennessee is required.

5. Because of the pastoral issues needing to be worked through by those entering into remarriage, request for judgment for those seeking a second marriage should be made no sooner than one year after the final divorce decree has been granted. For those seeking a third marriage, request should be made no sooner than two years after the final divorce decree has been granted. Favorable Godly Judgment request for fourth marriages (or more) are not likely to be granted. However, the Bishop recommends that the couple, in consultation with the applicants' respective clergy persons, consider civil marriage with the option of applying for the blessing of the Church after one year.

6. Please include the following information with the application you make for judgment:

a.) Completed Information Form
b.) Certified copy of the Final Divorce Decree (from each previous marriage)
c.) A comprehensive letter from the officiating clergy person stating how many pre-marital preparation sessions you have had, with whom, and how long, and covering, at a minimum, such issues as:

• how long the man and woman have known each other;
• why they and you think the marriage failed and what has been learned by the couple in this respect;
• your personal feelings about the prospects for the new marriage's success;
• if children are involved, how they feel about this, and plans for them;
• are the minor children of former marriages being cared for financially and otherwise;
• are spouses employed outside the home - what they do;
• will the jobs require frequent absence from family, particularly during this new formative period;
• financial stability;
• health;
• your assessment of their spiritual maturity;
• will they be active in the Church;
• your plans for post-marital counseling and/or continued contact; and
• your recommendation as to whether or not this couple should be granted a favorable Godly Judgment.

d.) If the couple is currently married through a civil ceremony and is seeking the blessing of that marriage, please provide a copy of all pertinent documentation of that marriage.

7. In the case of divorce, permission must be granted for the blessing of a marriage as well as for a marriage service itself. The same application procedure and guidelines for the blessing of a marriage following a civil ceremony as for a marriage service within the Church apply.

8. The parties shall be instructed that continuing concern must be shown for the well-being of the former spouse(s) and any children of the prior marriage(s).

9. A solemnization of any marriage under Title I, Canon 19, should be reported to the Bishop within ten (10) days after the wedding on the form provided with the judgment.

Note: From time to time, for pastoral reasons, the clergy person meeting with the couple in pre-marital counseling may wish to request that separate letters from the man and the woman be written to the Bishop that indicate:

BLESSING OF A CIVIL MARRIAGE

The Diocese and Church of the Holy Communion have certain guidelines for persons who wish to have their civil marriage ceremony blessed. If neither of the parties has been divorced, the guidelines are exactly the same for a couple who has never been married. To see those guidelines, click here.

If one or both of the parties have been divorced, the couple must meet the same guidelines as those for a unmarried couple in which one of the parties has been divorced. To see those guidelines, click here.

CUSTOMARY PRACTICES PERTAINING TO
HOLY MATRIMONY
The Church of the Holy Communion

19 December 2001, Revised 24 January 2002, Revised 7 May 2002,
Revised 8 Jan 2003, Revised 3 June 2004

"Holy Matrimony is a physical and spiritual union of a man and a woman, entered into within the community of faith, by mutual consent of heart, mind, and will, and with intent that it be lifelong[1]….both parties shall [be] instructed as to the nature, meaning, and purpose of Holy Matrimony by" a member of the Clergy or others the Clergy designates.[2]

Holy Matrimony is a sacramental rite of the Episcopal Church. As the Rite for the Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage says, "It signifies to us the mystery of the union between Christ and his Church….therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God." To assist those who present themselves for marriage at the Church of the Holy Communion, the Clergy have adopted this customary set of requirements.

• Though thirty days advance notice is the requirement of the Canon, because of the time required to complete these steps, couples are expected to provide at least four months notice, though under exceptional circumstances, less notice may be permitted.
• A couple desiring marriage will first meet with the Rev Katherine Bush to discuss the date, place and other logistical matters. The couple should also contact the officiating clergy to assure the date is available on their calendar.
• It is customary for couples to complete a pre-marriage inventory called PREPARE[3] . This inventory can be taken prior to the Workshop or after the Workshop depending on schedules, though prior to is preferable. It is not intended to determine whether or not a couple should be married. The results are confidential and will be seen only by the couple, the counselor administering and interpreting it, and the Clergy performing the marriage.
• Each couple will be required to attend an Engaged Workshop prior to their marriage, or in exceptional cases, shortly after their marriage. This Workshop is typically a Friday night and Saturday and is led by two married couples, of whom we like to say, have "imperfect marriages." They do not come as experts, but as experienced, knowledgeable, and trained as Engaged Workshop facilitators.
• Usually, the Rev. Jerry Harber, on staff at the Church and a licensed marriage and family therapist, will administer and interpret the inventory. He can also suggest other counselors who are approved to interpret PREPARE if the couple would prefer. If the couple meets with him, it is usually once or twice to review the material. Based on the outcome of these meetings, he or other counselors may suggest additional sessions either before of after the wedding. Additional sessions are not a requirement, even if suggested.
• After meeting with the counselor, the couple will meet with the officiating Clergy to discuss the nature, meaning and purpose of Holy Matrimony from a religious, theological and spiritual perspective and to finalize the plans for the wedding.

The officiating Clergy do not charge for the meetings, nor for the wedding itself. However, the couple is expected to pay for PREPARE and the Engaged Workshop[4]. For couples for whom this would present a financial hardship, assistance is available. Financial concerns will not be a barrier to anyone wishing to be married at the Church. However, those who are able to pay are expected to do so. Couples are also expected to cover the cost of security, the in-house wedding coordinator, and the sexton.

While this may seem to be a lot of work to be done by a couple full of love, excitement and anticipation, we believe they are preparing for a lifetime of faithful commitment to their vows. In today's society, the stability and durability of marriage is being eroded by a number of conditions and circumstances. We think anything the Church and couple can do to strengthen their relationship and deepen their commitment to this holy union is worth the time, energy, and cost.

In the Episcopal Church, a couple is required to sign a declaration which says, in part,

We believe that the union of husband and wife, in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy [and] for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity….We do engage ourselves, so far as in us lies, to make our utmost effort to establish this relationship.

These requirements represent the first step in that "utmost effort," which will be a lifetime commitment and adventure.

Footnotes:

1. Canon 18.1(b)
2. Canon 18.1(e)
3. PREPARE stands for Premarital Personal and Relationship Evaluation. It is a computer scored inventory which helps couples explore issues and areas of compatibility and discord. It is recognized as one of the most helpful tools available for this kind of work. Use of the inventory requires training and certification by Life Innovations, the publisher.
4. The couple is asked to write two checks: for $35 to Life Innovations and $60 to Holy Communion for the Workshop. Couples who are not members are expected to pay a fee for interpretation sessions after taking PREPARE. That fee is $200.

Articles will be posted here periodically in pdf format. Check back for new articles on marriage preparation!

Good Beginnings: Engaged Couples' Workshop

Workshop Dates:

October 17-18

We take marriage seriously at CHC! We have a great program for those who wish to marry and, this fall, we will have a workshop for marriage enrichment. Here’s what’s new with our pre-marriage focus. It was recently decided to more widely publicize our Good Beginnings: Engaged Couples’
Workshop, inviting anyone who is interested to participate rather than just parishioners. We have a street banner touting the program and each time we put it up, we receive several calls from interested couples. Workshops are usually held in the spring and fall of each year. The Vestry voted to allow
any couple to marry here, provided they participate in our marriage preparation program and are willing to be married in the Episcopal tradition. We’ve had many couples take us up on the off er who were not only looking for a place to marry, but for a church in which to worship. It’s exciting to be able
to off er our program of preparation to couples who were going to marry anyway, but were likely not to receive any preparation at all. This is a real ministry to our community.

Engaged Workshop is led by married, trained, but "imperfect couples." The format consists of brief presentations by the couples followed by time for the participant couples to do some private sharing about the topic as it relates to them. While some time is given to group sharing, by far the majority of the time is just for the couple.

*To view documents in pdf format, you must have Adobe Acrobat Reader installed. You can download this free software here.